


Those Actors, Filming The Hatred

by rosarymic



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Ciel Phantomhive, Adults, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Human Sebastian Michaelis, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 19:39:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15031811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosarymic/pseuds/rosarymic
Summary: Two famous actors; Ciel Phantomhive and his ultimate co-partner, Sebastian Michaelis were a hit off in the acting industry. Their chemistry never missed to touch the hearts of many.Though, when a life drama hits home for the main actor, things get a little messy.Trigger warnings for graphic/non-grapic rape and flashbacks. Read with your own risk. You have been warned.





	Those Actors, Filming The Hatred

 

_**WARNING!** _

_**TRIGGERING ISSUES SUCH AS GRAPIC/NON GRAPIC RAPE, FLASHBACKS AHEAD. READ WITH YOUR OWN RISK.** _

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.** _

_**ALSO, KEEP IN MIND. BOTH OF THEM ARE ADULTS.** _

 

* * *

 

 

> _“I lost all hope long ago … Long before I even knew what even hope truly means and no one batted an eye so why is this so different? If you wish to go on, then please …”_
> 
>  

* * *

 

“Okay … Roll in the cameras! **We’ll be rolling in 3!** ” It was that part. The part the young actor dreaded so much. He was acting in a film _about some boy who had a lot of troubling things happening in his life ever since he was a young boy and as he grew older, he’s struggling on to get better_ _ **AND**_ _have some sort of relationship going while his past self haunted him none stop became a sort of challenge for him to handle._ Oddly enough, he was the chosen one to be the most traumatised and messed up character; or the protagonist most likely and he didn’t even know why to begin with.

I mean, not only most of the scenes and traumas hit home, but it also risked in triggering his initial panic attacks which he didn’t want any happening while he was at work. He knew how horrid a panic attack could do to him—both physically and spiritually and boy, did it hurt.

And he didn’t need that. Not today especially but he couldn’t do anything but hope that he’ll get out fine and even if it did trigger him, he could try to hide the signs and just continue on. He didn’t want a repeat of it after all.

The young bluenette gulped, soft teal blinking slowly as it shifted around the room while he was anxiously waiting for the scene to start. His co-partner, whom sported with a mane of jet black hair, cherry crimson orbs was no different than himself. His pale hands were grabbing a hold of the young actor’s shoulders tightly, eagerly waiting as well.

He too, wanted the scene to be done as fast as possible. It wasn’t as if it had anything to do with him … It’s just, he knew the gripped male was uncomfortable and had asked, if this scene could somehow be changed or at least diluted into some sort of less forceful.

But, since they had a stubborn-and-care-less-of-an-actor’s-actual-life type of director, the bluenette’s request was not only harshly denied but also critiqued and got nagged on how weak and ridiculous he was being—saying ‘ _an actor should never let real life situations or traumas bleed onto his acting._ ’ Oh how it boiled the ravennette’s blood when the bluenette vented about it to him. How could the director do this? He knew how bad the bluenette’s condition was.

But of course, the young actor managed to make up some sort of possible reasoning and kept himself calm. God. How could a person that had been through so much stayed strong enough and just not act up when they were told this particular scene was almost the same as their own damn traumatizing event in real life?

The ravenette admitted it was pretty amusing yet almost completely foolish. Though, since he didn’t particularly want to tear his partner more than he already had been, he just advised the young male to be careful and hoped deep down that everything would turn out fine.

He _**hoped**_.

Cherry crimson shifted to soft teal. A small smile slipped on his lips, mouthing a quick ‘you can do this’ to the young bluenette whom smiled back and carefully moved his head a bit, nodding, not missing to mouth back a ‘thank you and you too’ to him. It was going to start any minute now.

The director shifted his hat a bit, hawk eyes watching the two actors before he tched.

“Sebastian! Get into the more serious and demanding character! Ciel! Give us your terrifying face! Come on you two! Quit the bullocks smiles!” As demanded, the two changed their faces into their way of his descriptions. A smirk lighted up the boss’ lips.

“Good! Now … 3 … 2 … 1 … and ACTION!” The young ravenette—or more known as Sebastian huffed, gripping onto the other’s shoulders tighter before he swung them onto the wooden wall— ~~ _that had some cushions under it_~~ hard, the other gritting their teeth, showing somewhat a frustrated and hurting look.

Cherry crimsons pierced into soft determined teal.

“Come on now. Tell me who you REALLY are or ….” A certain spotlight flashed a bit to his crimson orbs; for the flashing effect he guessed before a smirk graced the young ravenette’s coral lips, leaning to the young bluenette’s ear.

“I’ll make you tell me by showing you how much of a beast I could be …” The young bluenette—or Ciel held in a shiver as the ravenette’s warm breath tickled his neck. He almost wanted to push the male off of him as soon as he felt a certain wet flesh planted near his neck.

Oh God **no**.

_“Come here, Ciel~” The younger him didn’t know what the senior wanted from him but he was curious—and sort of excited nonetheless and ended up following her to some cabin and was now somehow in a dark room. Wait, didn’t she say this was going to be a party? Already, his stomach churn anxiously._

_“Oh but um, what exactly is it, miss?” It wasn’t that dark since he could still see the silhouette of her figure. The youngster however didn’t notice the smirk plastered on her lips as she strolled closer to him and grabbed his shoulders._

_“You’ll see my little dear. We’ll have a lot of fun together soon. Trust me~” She rubbed his little shoulders before her grip tightened and within an instant, she ripped his sleeves, shouting ‘Now!’._

_The young wanted to yell as mysterious hands held him down but he was far too shocked to even process everything that went down._ _The senior leaned down._ _“Oh, we’re so gonna have fun with you, my dear sweet.”_

Everything flashed by quickly. He felt nauseous but he held it in and just sighed.

Staying into character, Ciel restrained himself from the want of pushing sebastian, a sharp glare was given instead to the cherry crimson.

“What? Do you think I’m scared of your meaningless threat? It’s not like I haven’t done this before so why not? Just do it, if you dare that is, coward.” He could tell the lines he delivered were spot on by his co-partner’s devious widening smirk and those twinkling cherry crimson that somewhat chuckled back for his attempt at being fierce.

Jeez, he acted good.

The young bluenette’s orbs widened, as his co-partner literally loosen his tight grip on his shoulders and traced his fingers to the young actor’s hands, gripping it gently before literally pulling him close and slammed him down to the— ~~ _luckily padded_~~ tiled floor. The bluenette groaned, as scripted and let his soft teal wandered off into the cheery crimson orbs again.

Both were now on the floor, Sebastian pinning him down though.

“Oh? Are you really sure? You could’ve just told me your identity … or do you love to torture yourself?” They told him that too. Not exactly but close.

_His young self was groaning, mostly from the pain he was under and also how uncomfortable he was. He wasn’t used to these things at all._

_It hurt. A lot._

_“Urgh… Please stop … It hurts ...” However, his pleas were met with howling laughter. None of them took sympathy for him at all. None of them cared. He was outright delusional thinking they cared for his being. Why … Why did they do this to him?_ _What did he do to get this horrid torture?_

_Tears pricked his soft teals as the woman on top of him leaned down, smirking wider._

_“Awww, he looks so sad! Come on, Cielly! Don’t be so sad! Have a little fun! You’re supposed to feel pleasure ... Stop being so boring! Come on now~” She started to grind against his hips before he moaned. He didn’t want to but … his body just reacted. The female smirked, leaning in as she traced her finger down to his thigh._

_“You wanted to become a grown adult now, don’t you? Well, this is what adults do, you know? So, instead of whining, you should be thanking us, hmmm?~”_

_Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting!_

_“Besides …” She continued on, smirking from the male’s grunt._

_“You love to torture yourself, don’t you? You asked for this after all.” Then, she just went full blow on him before the others took their turn. Males and females; all mixed to touch him for the benefit pleasures of themselves and he had to endure the pain with all of them._

His laboured breaths quickened, hands quivering from the sudden flashback. God. Why did he agreed on acting in this scene again?

Sebastian; even with his devious smile was truly worried for his partner’s sudden rapid breaths and shaking hands. He was really worried for him but he knew if he started to do something out of script, they’d have to repeat this scene and he didn’t want that.

He didn’t want to hurt his partner much more so he kept himself in character and waited a while for Ciel to react properly.

Though, he did squeeze their intertwined hands tight.

The young bluenette’s rapid breaths calmed down a tad, his hands gripped onto his partner’s tighter as the same old soft teal gazed cherry crimson, a smile crossed his lips.

“Go ahead. Do it. I lost pretty much everything I’ve had at this point and this … this isn’t the first someone as disgusting as you took advantage of me anyway. So go ahead. Dirty your hands with me for all I care.” He looked so … broken and tired in the ravenette’s eyes; as if hope was truly lost and no matter how much he wanted to help, he knew deep down nobody would come anyway.

God.

Seeing as the male was silent, Ciel continued on as scripted.

“I lost all hope long ago … Long before I even knew what even hope truly means and no one batted an eye so why is this so different? If you wish to go on, then please …” His smile loosened to a smirk.

“Be my pleasure. I don’t care.” The two actors silently gazed each other; cherry crimson locked gazes with soft teal. Not a word passed between the two as the ravenette leaned in, lips pressed on the nape of the other’s neck and started to unbutton the young male’s stripe blue shirt; not fully—just for the scene while the young bluenette closed his soft teal.

His thoughts were resurfaced to hell but he didn’t miss on letting out a soft squeak and moan just for the script’s sake.

The whole studio turned dark and before long, the director intervened with a loud and clear ‘ _ **CUT**_!’ from his chair.

_Finally_.

He snapped his fingers and the studio had lights again. A satisfied smirk was shown clearly on his lips.

“Wonderful! That was wonderful, you two! See, what is so ha—” The young bluenette instantly got up after he pushed his co-partner off of him and dashed to the nearest bathroom; not caring if the director was pissed off for cutting him off.

He just really needed to let it all out now and not just puking by all means.

He didn’t even bat an eye at the glare the director gave him.

“Oi! That rude ass!” Sebastian slowly got up, fixing up his clothes a bit before wanting to go look for his partner. Though, he didn’t miss to send a deadly glare to that damned director. Calling Ciel rude ass when he himself was unforgivably intolerable with Ciel’s condition. What’s wrong with Ciel just passing through to calm himself down as he was truly distressed while they were smiling off at the scene?

“Disgusting human being.” The ravenette muttered to himself more, feet dashing to go look for his partner.

He knew how terrified and scarring it was for him especially when he started shaking. Sebastian knew and yet … he couldn’t do anything to calm the male down other than squeeze their intertwined hands and leave him to calm down at that time.

Cherry crimsons shifted and wondered around, finding for any signs of his beloved partner.

Nothing.

He couldn’t find anything in the hallway so he continued on to the lodge room for the actors to rest. Maybe … Maybe he was there even if somehow deep down, Sebastian doubted.

And his doubt was justified seeing as Ciel was nowhere in there.

“Where is he …?” Sebastian massaged his temples. Where on Earth would that partner of his go? That’s when he remembered … how pale the actor looked; as if the second he walked somewhere he could just pass out.

“Toilet.”

Without another word, he rushed to the men’s toilet and got in. His cherry crimson orbs scanned the premise; to see if there was anyone else which he was relieved there wasn’t except for one particular closed stall.

He knew who was in there of course and to prove it truly was the young actor, he sighed, knocking on the stall three times.

It took a few minutes before his knock was replied with another set of knocks. A small smile crossed his lips.

You see, in order to sometimes communicate in public like say, a toilet and not let anyone understand, the pair had made up a secret code of knocks for them. It’s the number of knocks that depends on what they’re asking each other. Say, they knocked 3 times like Sebastian did, it’s asking if it was really you type of question. 2 knocks like Ciel replied indicated a yes while one knock is a no. Stuff like that.

Sebastian heaved a sigh of relief before knocking 4 times.

“ _ **Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!**_ ”

( _“Are you okay, Ciel?”_ ) Silent. No answer. He let it passed of another few minutes before knocking again.

“ _ **Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!**_ ”

( _“May I come in?”_ ) There was a small silence between them before the young actor finally knocked back.

“ _ **Knock … Knock …**_ ”

( _“Yes … you may.”_ ) The bluenette opened the stall, letting the raven headed male in before the stall room was locked shut again.

The second the ravenette took a look see at his partner, his smile dropped. The young male was pale; paler than his already pale porcelain complexion while his usual shining soft teal was dull and no longer had that certain shine. His other eye which usually had an eyepatch to cover it had a pastel shade of violet, though, it too, seemed dull like his soft teal. Even the soft smile greeting him every morning was plastered with a frown.

Not to mention, he was sort of panting.

“Ciel ...” The young male shifted his gaze to the other, a sigh escaped his reddish lips as he fisted his hands.

‘I’m sorry, Sebastian …’ He signed. If he’s signing, it means he’s just … not comfortable to talk yet. It’s a relief the young ravenette was fluent with ASL though.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows.

“Why are you sorry, Ciel? You’re not at fault here.” The male answered in a whisper. He didn’t want anyone to hear him if someone suddenly came into the toilet.

The young bluenette shook his head.

‘No … It is … I shouldn’t have thought of that .. I should’ve focused—’ Ciel was stopped by a grip on the wrist. Soft teal widened, looking up to see Sebastian staring directly into his soft teal; almost as if piercing his soul even especially with that stern look he had on.

“Ciel Phantomhive.” He nearly flinched by his deep voice. Somehow, it had an unsettled edginess when he called him.

“Don’t you dare apologise for something that wasn't even your fault. It’s not your fault you had to watch your friend get raped in front of you while you were hopelessly pinned down. It wasn’t your damn fault that you had a horrifying flashback about the scene when we were filming. It wasn’t your fault … that you were trying …” Sebastian paused, gazing him with saddened eyes while the young male looked away, guilt colouring his heart quick.

That wasn’t the exact truth.

Sebastian sighed, hands gently patting the young male’s shoulders.

“Ciel ... There’s something you’re not telling me …I … I can sense it. Please, can you tell me?” He instantly lowered his head.

“I mean … If you want to that is—” _Better just get this out_.

“I was the one getting raped, Sebastian.” Ciel was quite surprised he didn’t waver one bit, even though deep down he was shaking from the guilt chaining his heart for lying to the only one person that tried to give his all to him.

“I … I was the one that was ripped off of his trust in humanity, the one that cried out, moaned out sounds I **DIDN’T** wish to ever make at that time … I …” The young bluenette let the silent tears flow down to his chin.

“I was tricked. I was tricked by those … those assholes. They told me they were having a party, wanted to invite me and made me their ‘special’ guest. My foolish young self just … just accepted it even if I had my own doubts about that. After all …” A small smile crossed his lips as he chuckled.

“Nobody ever liked me. No one took a glance even if I was an honoured student and a teacher’s pet back then. In fact, I think they were more challenged and hated my guts every time the teachers talked about me. No wonder they … they did that.” Ciel chuckled bitterly once more.

“... and I thought I was safe. Guess I was _wrong_.”

The bluenette gave out a squeak as he was pulled into a soft embrace. Soft teal and pastel violet widened.

He lied to the one person that wanted nothing more than the best for him.

He lied to his damn best friend, his fellow co-partner in acting, his … his ...

And yet, here he was, hugging him.

“Wha …”

“Ciel … I’m so sorry … I—” He didn’t finish his sentence, as the familiar arms wrapped themselves around his frame.

“No … Don’t be, Sebastian. It was my fault for not telling you the truth. I …” He paused, chin sinking into the other’s shoulder.

“I … I really wanted to be honest with you but … but at the same time, I just couldn't. It just … It was hard, you know? To tell someone something that’s happened to you that made you almost lose yourself and the trust in humanity … It’s hard. I guess I was just afraid,” He sighed, letting more silent tears ran down to his cheeks.

“I was afraid you’d be like them. You’d betray me or leave me if I told you what really happened. I was just … just ...”

“Ciel …”

“I know … It was ridiculous of thinking like that! It was ridiculous to think the only one person I’ve trusted and wanted the best for me would ever betray me just because of something shitty happening to me. It’s ridiculous and yet …”

Sebastian sighed.

“Ciel … It’s not ridiculous. I’m no therapist but even I know what you’ve went through is traumatising enough to cause issues that … can’t simply be fixed by some medicine. You were young too … So, why should you think it’s ridiculous to have those fears?” Ciel didn’t utter a word, merely pulling the other closer, letting out a sigh.

He was truly grateful for having Sebastian right now.

There was a silent pause before he finally answered.

“Thank … you, Sebastian.” Sebastian smiled, rubbing circles on the bluenette’s back as he hummed.

“Anything for you, my Lord.” Ciel groaned.

“Sebastian …. No …”

“Sebastian, yes.” Sebastian smirked.

“Urgh! Sebastian, please! You know I hate being called that, don’t you?”

“Well, it was interesting calling you that in that series we acted years ago.” The young ravenette could somehow tell his partner was rolling his eyes in disgust.

“Uh huh, of course but guess who didn’t like being called that and nearly puked? Me. Besides, that character I acted was traumatic as well … urgh. At least … not as traumatic as this one though ...” Sebastian stifle a chuckle.

“All your characters are as of now, my _Lord_.” Okay. Ciel couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled away and pushed Sebastian to the side, a sneer lingering his lips.

“Okay, you know what? That’s it. I’m done. Goodbye, Sebastian. I’m going now! Have fun alone in there!” The laughter he held in burst out and Sebastian literally held his knees; finding Ciel’s reaction ridiculously hilarious.

“Oh come on now,my _Lord_! Don’t be like that!” He shouted, trailing after Ciel as the bluenette dashed off without him when he was busy laughing.

“SEBASTIAN! **SHUT UP**!” Of course, he didn’t. The elder male just laughed it off again and continued on teasing him with the ‘my Lord’ and ‘Yes, my Lord’ lines which eventually got him bantering with his partner about something about respect.

Oh, how he loved it dearly so.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian sighed softly, cherry crimson staring his partner with a certain softness in them. A smile crossed his lips as thoughts of what their future may behold crossed his mind.

Yes, while it may seem ridiculous or unbelievable—at least to him that is—to others, he loved dearly his male partner and he’ll continue to no matter how many years may come.

He’ll continue loving him till the ends of the Earth and that, is what he promised to himself.

He’ll continue to love the bluenette no matter what they’ll go through further in life.

That, he silently hoped every night as he stroked the young bluenette’s bluish grayish locks as the bluenette was fast asleep; saling through his dreams.

The young ravenette was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard mild whispers.

“ … Sebastian …” A warm fuzziness filled his heart hearing his name being called out within his partner’s lips. The small smile widened.

“Goodnight, Ciel …” He whispered softly, stroking the beautiful shining mane, planting a soft chaste kiss on his forehead before he got up from his chair, turning the night light off and went to his own room.

They may be in some sort of relationship but they haven’t done anything too deep since well, with the young bluenette’s past, they took things slow— _minus the scene they had to do a while ago_ —which Sebastian was far more than fine with it.

Besides, there’s nothing to rush for. They both have a lot more years to cut by so, aging wasn’t really a problem.

All that’s important is that they were both comfortable and just love each other fully no matter what.

Sebastian sighed, the smile still lingered on his lips as he changed and laid in bed. Today was tiring; be it emotionally or physically. So, he opted to rest himself as they had another shoot tomorrow, and boy, he needed his beauty sleep.

As sleep slowly took over his being, he hummed to himself a soft lullaby he used to sing to Ciel since the bluenette often had nightmares when he first moved in with him. The lullaby was actually taught to him by his beloved late mother when he, himself was having trouble going to sleep and so far, it worked wonders for not only him but also his beloved partner.

‘ _I have to visit her soon …_ ’ He thought to himself sleepily as his eyes slowly closed and he yawned, shifting into a more comfortable position before finally everything turned black.

_Goodnight, everyone._

 

* * *

 

**A/N - Hello everyone and welcome back to some BB fanfics. I kinda decided to make Sebaciel so yeah ... To those who don't like Sebaciel or are kinda disgusted, I'm sorry ... I guess.** **But anyway, there are some facts about this fanfic.**

_**F A C T S :** _

  * Sebastian is a _**human**_ in this.
  * Sebastian isn't that much older than Ciel. **Both of them are adults**.
  * **Sebastian = 23 years old** **while** **Ciel = 21 years old**
  * The director is actually unknown. I didn't really plan on giving him a specific character from BB so you can decide yourself who he is.
  * I have more but I kinda forget.
  * Trigger warnings will be put.
  * Say 'I' if you've successfully finish reading the fanfic _**AND**_ this A/N.



**Author's Note:**

> MORE facts about this fanfic :
> 
> \- Yes, I have the same fanfic up on Quotev and Fanfiction.net.  
> \- Triggers have been out everywhere.  
> \- There's more but I kinda forgot.


End file.
